So Pretty For a Big Girl

What does being "big" have to do with it?

I'm getting tired of hearing this kind of thing lately. I get that I'm considered "big" by most measures. I also get that I'm "pretty", or at least that's what I've been told a few times. I don't understand what the two have to do with each other. I have never in my life heard someone say to another person, "You are so pretty for a skinny/thin/small girl!" It's almost if by virtue of being thin, a person is automatically attractive.  I do think that everyone possesses a beauty all their own, sometimes it's on the inside, and sometimes it's on the outside, sometimes it's both. BUT, I'm kind of tired of feeling like some sort of anomaly because my weight somehow doesn't match my level of attractiveness.  Or prettiness. Or whatever.

(Image from http://www.beautifulyoubyjulie.com/)

Honestly, I've never been a person that looks in the mirror and thinks that a pretty face is what seals the deal. I think of myself as more of a person that is fun, happy (most days), exciting, adventurous, spontaneous, has depth, etc. I guess I have always thought of my personality or inner beauty to be my measure of attraction. Yeah, I like to have my makeup done just right, or my hair to work with me, and my clothes to look like I haven't just rolled out of bed nice. I'm just trying to figure out when my "prettiness" started being directly correlated to how much weight I carry. I have been a thin (NOT skinny) girl, I have been an athlete, and I have been fat; I've been everywhere in between. Never once when I was thin or athletic did anyone ever say to me, "You are so pretty for an athlete!" Should they have said it that way? Did it matter since I was "thin"? See what I'm saying?

I think in a culture where we have this strange dichotomy of 1) being obsessed with weight, and 2) encouraging self-love regardless of the number on the scale, we still put the focus on the amount of body fat a person has. Really, I can be ugly. You should see me at 5pm after a day of cleaning, having both kids at home all day, my face broken out all to hell, still in my pajamas, and having forgotten to brush my teeth or wash my face. It's NOT pretty!  And regardless of whether I've dressed for a night on the town or I'm looking like dog squeeze, I'm still fat. What I'm trying to say, or ask rather, is why my weight has to have something to do with it? Attraction/prettiness is really rather subjective anyway, yes? I'm sure there are people out there who would LOVE to be my size, whether they are thin or fat right now. And I'm sure there are people out there who think I'm absolutely disgusting. WHO CARES?!  Or more importantly, do I really care that you think my weight and prettiness have some sort of relation to each other? And is it even your business to share that with me? It's confusing.

All I'm really hoping is that before you compliment someone, or comment on their attractiveness/prettiness, think about how you say it or if it is even necessary to say. If someone is pretty to you, forget trying to "help" them by validating their weight as part of the comment. Because this, "You are so pretty for a big girl," really just sounds like this, "Even though you are fat, you are still pretty." And this, "He must really like big girls," sounds like, "He must really like fat girls." Not even a mention of "pretty" in that one!  For someone dealing with weight-related issues, or trying to lose weight, or whatever, it's hurtful and unnecessary. Please just say, "You are pretty." Or, "He must think you are beautiful." The prettiness of you or me is not related to the size of our body. It's related to what someone else thinks beauty may be, and why. And it really is NOT necessary to point out someone's body size/shape. We all know that we are skinny or fat or somewhere in between.

I'm just having a bit of a moment because I feel like I've heard this so much lately from multiple people, and I'm about to start throwing out typical Dana-style smartass comments, and I'm trying to avoid that. And just to give credit where credit is due, I think the ONLY person in my life who has never led me to believe that my attractiveness is correlated to my weight is my incredible husband. And I'm thankful to have a person in my life (who plays such an important role) who has managed to leave that one alone. I love you, Gid!

Off With Her Pounds!

Shocked and amazed!

My body never fails to shock and amaze me. Really, from gaining 30 lbs in a year (2011-2012), to gaining 5 lbs from last Thursday til yesterday morning, to losing 5.2 lbs since yesterday morning. Seriously, is my body THAT unstable of an environment? I say no! But I'll tell ya, from seeing 223.4 lbs yesterday at 9am, to seeing 218.2 lbs at 9am this morning, I'm left feeling a little like this guy...

I actually know this guy (no, we are NOT facebook friends!) In fact, this dude sent me a song via email yesterday that took me back to my preteen days. Please don't mention anything to my hubby, he'd be pretty pissed that another guy is sending me love songs... ;)

What I mean is that I'm stunned that after being off of RFL for 5 days, I gained 5 lbs on the scale. But one day back on, which was yesterday, I lost all of it and actually a pound extra from anything I'd lost before. Yes, I'm pretty sure that most of it is "water weight", but my point is that it is GONE. Wait a minute--I just hit the amazing FIFTEEN pound mark--only five to go before I will have serious bragging rights!  Anyway, I will say that I went to bed starving, and woke up at 5am this morning starving, but I got through it and started my day at 9am with an egg white omelet. I'm going to be posting later what my secret breakfast weapon has become. And let me tell you, they are great for anyone! And would be a huge hit for a brunch or for when you have company staying the night. 

Anyway, I'm not sure how, but somehow some of my back fat disappeared at the beach. Literally, the fat rolls on my back have shrunk. Um, yes please!  We also hit up the river this weekend, so I got my tan awwwwwwwwn. Needless to say, by the end of summer I should be ready for summer! At least I will look cute in my fall clothes, which really are my favorite anyway. Jeggings and tall boots on thinner legs should be a lot better than last year's alternative.

I guess this week is all about recommitting myself to some things, including the diet. I'm also gearing up to add some new summertime products to my etsy shop (bug repellent, sunscreen, beach-hair spray, etc.) It makes me feel good to be productive, which is something I haven't felt for a while. My summertime with the kids has also started, which brings a whole new host of issues, but we intend on staying in, on, or near water all summer, so I'm thinking we will survive. I'm also trying to take pics of everything, but whenever I pick up the camera, someone seems to have a meltdown, and I'm relegated to taking pics at night, which I loathe.

Anyway, point is that you should be checking back soon for a new breakfast recipe, some homemade body stuff, and ideas that will keep me sane from the chirren' this summer. Have a good one!

Yes Tan! No Carb! Beach eating.

So I am in Rodanthe, NC this week and still doing RFL pretty well (scratch that as of returning home today, I started this post on Wednesday!) In fact, it's been super easy to eat while I've been here. I have no access to the normal kitchen fare at home that makes it such a temptation to make and eat whatever I want. No, here I've limited my access and really made a couple of phenomenal things with fresh, locally caught fish!  The other stuff has been, eh...beef jerky for late night snacks, and mostly boring salads with chicken otherwise.  I did make some great breakfast cups and will blog that another day. Let's just dive in. (Pun intended.)

Fresh Flounder

My first experience with ceviche was back in 98' or 99' on a beach trip I took to Delaware. I was staying with a Cuban family and they made this one of the first days. The huge wooden bowl was filled with a mixture of fresh white fish, onions, peppers, spices and lemon juice. You don't really "cook" this. The citric acid in the lemon juice "cooks" the fish, leaving it a creamy white color, but with the same softish texture of raw fish. It's divine!  Here is what I did...

Fresh Flounder Ceviche

1/2 lb fresh flounder, skin off and chopped into small 1/2" pieces

1/4 cup lemon juice

1/4 cup medium salsa

1/8 cup fine chopped onion

salt and any addition spicy spices you may want, I used a bit of my Kick'n Chicken spice

Mix it all in a shallow dish, cover, and let remain at room temp for 15 mins before transferring to the fridge, covered. I ate it straight. Most people will use crackers or tortilla chips and eat it like a dip. 

Fresh Mako Shark

For whatever reason, where I went to college was in the mountains of VA, and we always had fresh shark steaks at the local Food Lion. I fell in love with shark then, and always take up the opportunity to buy it fresh if I can. I'm not usually likely to order it in a restaurant though. Don't know why, that's just how I roll.  Anyway, when I found it at the market in Rodanthe I immediately bought a pound with the intention of making shish kabobs. So I did!

Mako Shark Shish Kabobs

1 lb fresh mako shark, cut into 1 1/2" cubes

1 medium zucchini, cut into 2" pieces

1 medium yellow squash, cut into 2" pieces

1 large onion, cut into 1" chunks

salt, pepper, soy sauce, lemon juice, whatever you want to flavor with

Thread mixed pieces of shark and veggies onto skewers with about 4 pieces of shark on each one.  Season each skewer with spices you want, and then sprinkle with lemon or soy sauce after cooking. You might have a couple of veggie skewers in addition, but extra veggies are always good! We used a charcoal grill almost ocean front, so it took a looooong time, but on a normal grill you can probably do med/high heat and cook about 5 mins and flip, then do 5 mins on the other side.  Let them cool and enjoy. These are delicious!

I wanted to add that I am now home from the beach. I've had this post up and ready to complete for 4 days now, but couldn't break from relaxing enough to finish. So you are welcome!! :)

Blogging from the beach

So this week I am in Rodanthe, NC. A lot of people have heard of Rodanthe because of the movie Nights In Rodanthe. I'm not even going to link it because it's not worth your time, but let's just say that Rodanthe in and of itself is a totally different place than that movie depicts. Our family has been coming here for about 12 years, and it has become like home in many ways. It's a quiet place where the locals have their own flavor, but still, it's our place to vacation. It's a little different because hurricane Irene came through here last fall and banged this place up.  A couple of our favorite little places are shut down now, and I hate to see that happen to such a great little spot.  It even tore part of Rt. 12 and there is a new inlet with a crazy pieced together bridge. It's working though, and things are moving along in these parts!

RFL news: I'm sticking to the diet this week, and even did so successfully while on the 8 hour trip down here. I had to make a special grocery stop in Chesapeake and it held us up. Either way, this trip looks to be easy peasy sticking to it through the week, assuming I have the support from this crowd that I need. I'm trying not to be difficult, and I've prepared all of my own food in advance, so there is no having to work around me.

I've only been here a day and it's been a good one. Kids have been great, I already have "tan" lines (read: first burn of the year lines), and the weather has been fantastic, even though Alberto has threatened that. We are staying in a gorgeous house directly on the ocean, a first for us--I even have a king sized bed which is wonderrrrrrrrrrrful! There was a cool lightening storm over the clouds last night, and somehow the stars were out too. It's great!  My brother (Robby) and I even discovered the very latest constellation, the Question Mark constellation.  By the way, friend him on FB.  It doesn't matter if he doesn't know you. Really.

This week looks to be a good one, and I don't have access to a scale, so I will have no idea until I get home what has happened in the pudge department. All I know is that I have a pound of fresh flounder, and a pound of fresh mako shark in the fridge, and I'm thinking broiled flounder, and shark kabobs. If I manage to get that made up, I'm definitely putting it here. If for no other reason than to show that healthy, nutritious food IS possible at the beach. Also look for some other beach pics hopefully too. Until next time, stay classy San Diego.

Evicting azaleas and a part of myself.

These crappy cell phone photos speak volumes...

This week has been slow weight loss wise, and news wise. It has been an incredibly busy week in the yard. I've redone the front walk way of our house so that it no longer looks abandoned, and actually has some fresh personality that I feel more accurately reflects the inhabitants inside.  I've been pretty frustrated with my weight though. Since last Saturday, I have not lost one single ounce. Not one. My eating has been totally offset by the 2-4 hours of moderately intense yard work and landscaping I've been doing, and my calories have been negative each day. Meaning I'm using more energy than I'm taking in. Instant weight loss though, right!? Nope. 

The crappy pics above are of the scraggly azaleas that have been a scourge on the asthetics of our home for years now. My mom planted them when she lived here, and I'm no landscaper, so they look like this because I don't care about them. What these pics are saying relay into a cry for help! Just like my body, unattended, carelessly cared for, neglected, and malnourished. What a metaphor for myself! I've dug these suckers up, chucked them into the woods, and put in something with less work, more beauty, and better suited to life under the filtered sun of the tree canopy. Let's hope for success when everything blooms fresh as of next spring.

Let me refer you to the article that got me started on this entire process.  I've said before that when I started this whole journey, I was doing a self restricted low calorie diet, an hour of moderate cardio per day, and gained 4 lbs. That was my "WTH" moment, and how I found this article, titled "Why Big Caloric Deficits and Lots of Activity Can Hurt Fat Loss" by Lyle McDonald.  It's about how doing too much cardio can wreck your low calorie diet. No joke. Sounds totally backwards from what I've always been taught, and probably you too, but using my body as the science experiment, I'm finding that it is gospel truth. (And just for the record, I'm going off of the diet for the weekend, to try and get my innards reset. I've burned too much calorically, and I'm putting in some carbs, only to restart on Monday.)  Anyway, probably the best way to sum it up is with an excerpt from the article.

As noted above, chronic elevations in cortisol can cause a lot of bad things to happen. One of them is simply water retention and I’ve mentioned in previous articles that water retention can mask fat loss, sometimes for extremely extended periods.  I talked about this in some detail in The LTDFLE and suspect that some of the ‘fat loss’ is actually just water loss when calories are raised and cortisol mediated water retention dissipates.  Reducing total training (volume, frequency, intensity or some combination) does the same thing.

But that’s probably not all of what’s going on.  Another effect of chronically elevated cortisol levels is leptin resistance in the brain.  I’m not going to talk about leptin endlessly here again, you can read the Bodyweight Regulation Series for more information.  When the normal leptin signal to the brain is blocked, a lot of things can go wrong metabolically and I suspect that this is part of the problem.

In this vein, although not necessarily related to cortisol per se, at least one study found that the addition of 6 hours per week of aerobic activity to a very low calorie diet (in this case a protein sparing modified fast) caused a larger decrement in metabolic rate than the diet alone.  The body appears to monitor caloric availability (simplistically caloric intake minus output) and if it gets too low, bad things can happen.

This is why I so strongly suggested AGAINST the inclusion of much cardio in The Rapid Fat Loss Handbook; it causes more harm than good.  Invariably, the biggest source of failure on that plan is when people ignore my advice and try to do a bunch of cardio.  And fat loss stops.  ("Why Big Caloric Deficits and Lots of Activity Can Hurt Fat Loss, by Lyle McDonald)

Okay, so that is that, and that is what I think has happened to me this week with all of my extra activity. Speaking of that activity, would you like to see what I've been doing this week? Yes, I'd love to show you!  The first pic is of my container garden: evening primrose, astralgus, basil, hyssop, horehound, cayenne peppers, peppermint, calendula, chamomile, and valerian. The intention is for these to propagate well enough to transplant into larger beds.  The other pics are of a hosta bed that should be large and fluffy next summer. I love hostas!  Thank you to the amazing Diane from Sweet Serenity Greenhouse in Bedford for all the plants. She is amazing! And talented! And an awesome friend.

I'm out for now. Tomorrow I leave for Rodanthe, NC for a week for our yearly family vacation. I'm going to be sticking to the diet next week, so I will probably update then, hopefully with a beach pic.  I'm never sure of the atmosphere of vacation, but I am looking forward to getting my base tan ready so that I'm prepared for another summer on the river. Ahhhhh, the river. The romantic, lazy, lovely, familiar James River.

The Weekend's Free Meal

Slacker, I am.

Yeah, I slacked because of yesterday's Mother's Day induced celebratory hangover. Blah. Back to normal today and it's great!  Last week I raved about the upcoming free meal I was anticipating, and today I'm getting around to sharing it. And OhMyYUM it was awesome!  Meatball subs and a creamy coconut chocolate cheesecake. This was our Mother's Day lunch (that I made) and it was a big hit with everyone.

Meatballs subs and me go way back. My fondest memories of meatballs subs are from college, and of the Muse Hall Underground cafeteria where you could get a take out box, shove it as full of food as possible, then make your merry way back home with a (literally) free meal for your friends. I always had a dining plan in college, so we milked that sucker for all it was worth. My college buddy, turned cousin through marriage (yay!), Alison and I used to savor those precious meatball subs from Muse as we sat at the bar counter in my disgusting excuse for a college duplex. We admittedly lived like frat boys, but we had a good time. Back to subs...yeah. We loved them, and occasionally rarely we still send a random text about wanting a meatball sub from Muse.

A quick look at my alma mater's dining page yields sad results of a place that has become so big and updated that I don't see any resemblance of my college days. Come to think of it, that's probably a good thing...

Okay, the subs...

This isn't the best pic, but it's the best pic of what I had to choose from from the website. This recipe is called Jenn's Out of This World Spaghetti and Meatballs, and comes from Allrecipes.com.  I have made this recipe for many years now, and while it's awesome on spaghetti, I prefer these meatballs on subs.  I buy bakery rolls, heat them a bit, and top the meatballs with parmesan, provolone, and some mozzarella. I also mix up the sauce in the crock and let it heat while I make my meatballs, then I throw them in as I roll each one up. Let it cook for 6-8 hours on LOW, and you have a pot of deliciousness when you're done. Recipe notes: I leave out the sugar, add a cup water with a cube of beef bullion, and use the leanest ground beef I can find. Throw in a bit more salt and you have something that tastes very similar to Subway's meatballs!

The most heavenly dessert of all...

Really, this has to be the most wonderful thing I've baked lately. Everything about it was perfect! This recipe is called Creamy Coconut Chocolate Cheesecake and hails from Easybaked.net. All cheesecakes are a little time consuming, but considering the finished product, this one was relatively easy. The only thing I did different in the recipe was use evaporated milk instead of whipping cream, only because I didn't have any. I'm not sure what to say about this cheesecake except that I could probably live off of this one food alone. Creamy, sweet, chewy from the coconut, and rich from the decadent top layer of chocolate cheesecake, and the bottom layer of Oreo crust.  This recipe comes HIGHLY recommended and makes a gorgeous presentation.  I'm hoping and praying that my mom froze a few pieces so I can have one with my next free meal. 

Back to RFL though. I'm sad to say that I have not lost much in the past few days. I went down to 219.8 yesterday, and I'm holding steady there today. My weight seems to hold, then drop, hold, then drop. I'd be happier with a steady drop, but there isn't much it seems that I can do about it. My body is also feeling the effects of yesterday's kick-butt workout. I upped my sets and really focused on my form. I also added in some lunges and my quads are feeling it today. I used to have the nicest, leanest, most defined legs, and I'm determined to dig them out from the layer of fat they have collected in the past few years. It's going to happen, dammit. Next summer there WILL be a short denim skirt in my wardrobe, so I can show those gorgeous gams off to my hubby. Enjoy the day! 

P.S. I'm going to work on a project today for a beach coverup/shirt thing, out of one of my awesome tie-dyes from TwirlyToes on Etsy. Jen is awesome, and I highly suggest her work. Photos when I'm done. :)

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.

Fear and Loathing in Red House

Today is a rainy day and a Monday, so apparently I'm doubly screwed. Actually, I like rainy days AND Mondays, so I'm not sure what is up today. I'm contemplative, somber, and kind of sad today, and it's not really coming from anywhere. I'll be completely honest when I say that Mother's Day has to be one of my least favorite holidays. I never feel like I can show my own mother the ways I appreciate her, and I don't feel like one day can really sum up appreciation anyway. For myself, I feel like there is some pressure to be a perfect queen for the day, and all of my actions are scrutinized. How is my day going? Am I having a good day? Is everybody being perfect so my day can be perfect? Ugh, too much pressure when I really would just prefer to be left alone. The greeting cards, talks at church, and wishes for a wonderful day are just too much for me. I already struggle enough with my role as a mother, and all the cards and words just amplify those feelings of failure I already feel. Isn't that terrible!? That is how the one day a year dedicated to mother's makes me feel. I mean, I woke up with two huge zits and a period, so Happy Freaking Mother's Day to me! Blar.

How Mother's Day makes me feel.

I don't know if it is because of yesterday, or because I've got the hormonal hurricane thing going on, but today I just feel down. Thinking about my diet, and weight loss, and eating habits are making me acutely aware of myself. When I think about my life, I identify parts of my life with two things: music, and my body composition. How skinny I was (or rather, what jeans size I was in) seems to be a theme in how happy I have been in my life. It's mentally crippling to know that I've based so much of my happiness on my outward appearance. No wonder the past two years have been a mental health hell for me. I've been so unhappy, and it's been because of my body composition!? That is just sick. But it's true. And I have no realistic way of breaking that cycle, and really have no idea where it even comes from.

I've always told myself that I was going to get old gracefully. I was going to welcome the wrinkles, the gray hair, the wisdom that can only come with age. Wow! Have I been lying to myself or what!? I hate this getting old thing. Not just for what is happening on the outside, but for what I'm forced to reevaluate on the inside. Aside from the outward manifestation of age, I find myself wishing I could go back 15 years to my 17-year-old self. That girl was getting ready to graduate high school and go on to college. If only I could tell her to be stronger, stay away from so much booze, and to beg her to not go to that party at Virginia Tech. I wish I could scream at her to go to class, get a tutor for chemistry and math, and that if she would just be patient, she'd realize her potential--it would just take a few years. I would tell her to tweeze her eyebrows, keep up the running, and read more. Hindsight is just more than 20/20. Sometimes it is torture. Most people don't know this, but I intended to be a geneticist. That was my great dream in life. If I went back to do it now, I'm 100% positive that I would have great success. And I sometimes feel resentful that my life circumstances will never afford me that opportunity.

I wish I could put my finger on what is up today. I'd love to know what is going on hormonally and chemically in my body, and if the diet has anything to do with it. Maybe Mother's Day did it to me. Maybe watching that show on TV about "unearthing ancient secrets" of the bubonic plague and CCR5 (a DNA marker) is making me kick myself for not being that medical detective like the geneticist on the show. I don't know, but I'm feeling particularly inadequate today.

Anyway, enough self loathing for now. A workout is in my very near future...in like, 15 minutes, and today I need it. Here's hoping you have a better day than I have. And to prove that I'm not a complete Debbie Downer, I'm resolving myself to a better attitude after this much needed exercise.

Feel the Burn!

Shoooooo-we!

Ever eaten something so spicy and delicious that your lips burn for 30 minutes after? Yeah, I'm still feeling the burn as I type this, and it is lovely. All that wonderful capsicum seeping into my blood stream through my mucous membranes.  Makes you hungry, huh? I'm guessing no. How about if I told you I concocted the simplest, easiest recipe for what tastes like dry rubbed chicken wings, but is low fat, low carb, with 20 grams of protein and a delightful burn that will leave you thinking, "I'm ready for Man Vs. Food! I can take the heat?"  I got you on this. 

But first, I wanted to share with you my progress into week two of Rapid Fat Loss (RFL).  Yesterday was Day 8, and the beginning of week 2. After my "free meal" on Day 6, I was stunned and relieved to see that I hadn't gained an ounce the next morning. And this morning, well, let's say I was even more excited!  I'm not trying to update my stats every day, so I'll do the "make-it-official-by-using-a-bolded-font" once a week. How about on the last day of every RFL week? Okay, sounds good to me. 

So what was I so happy about this morning? I lost 1.8 lbs last night. Yep, that was almost 2 lbs overnight. OVERNIGHT. Thank you, Jay-zuss, halla-lew-yah! That makes a total of 9 lbs total in 9 days (today is Day 9). I'm going to stay humble and say this may slow down, but I'm riding the pound'a'day train for as long as I can. 

Okay, so back to the chicken.

These were juicy, spicy, salty, and delicioso. These are great alone, but would be phenomenal on a salad, or even cut up and mixed into a chicken salad with some greek yogurt. Actually, they kind of remind me of a Wendy's Spicy Chicken sandwich, without the breading, and kicked up a notch. You could take the whole breast and cut them in half, put on a bun with some LTM, and have your own spicy chicken sandwich!  The carbs in this dish come from the seasoning, and spices are unlimited on this diet, so kind of like veggies, they aren't a terrible, off-limits thing.  Also, on the list of ingredients there are no refined sugars or starches, so the spices themselves are the source of the carbohydrates.  Need the details? Here you go! (I'm EDITING this to add a really good ranch dip I made to go with this later tonight! Adding in the recipe. Sorry, no pic!)

Roasted Kick'n Chicken

(Low Carb, Sugar Free, Fat Free)

8 large boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut into appx. 3 oz strips

1/4 cup Weber Kick'N Chicken Seasoning (found it at Walmart)

non-stick cooking spray

small paper bag

Preheat oven to 375F.  Place a baking rack over a pan (prevents chicken cooking in it's juice.)  Dry chicken thoroughly, throw them (3-4 at a time) in a paper bag with the seasoning, shake'em shake'em shake'em, and spread them out on the baking rack so they barely touch. Bake for 35 mins.

Rich Ranch Dip

(Low Carb, Sugar Free, Fat Free)

1/8 cup greek yogurt

1 tsp ranch dip mix, or homemade ranch mix

Mix together and let set for 5 mins or refrigerate. Makes 1 serving.

Nutrition Info for one 3 oz serving of Roasted Kick'n Chicken: 

97 calories

.8 grams (total) fat 

4 carbohydrates 

0 g fiber

0 g sugar

20 g protein

Nutrition Info for one 1/8 cup serving Rich Ranch Dip: 

34.4 calories

0 grams (total) fat 

3.7 carbohydrates 

0 g fiber

0 g sugar

4.3 g protein

And here is the spice in case you need a visual reference when you are looking for it.

Ya'll have a great weekend and a happy Mother's Day to all the mama's out there!  I'll be having a free meal on Sunday, so make sure you check back. It's going to be goodlicious.

Progress and regress. A little of both today.

Folks be gettin' crazy, ya'll...

Whew, today has been a super charged day on the interwebs! This whole NC thing has people in an uproar on either side. (Disclaimer: I'm mentioning this, but not opening it up for discussion, so comment in disagreement if you will, but your comments will be ignored by me.) I happen to fall on the side of liberty and justice for all. It's this whole Libertarian thing I have going on (clause 1.3 to make it easy for you).  I'm politically active and politically aware of what goes on around me, but I'm not politically belligerent when it comes to discussing my beliefs. The universal energy is churning in our day and time, and I'm just not sure how well the human psyche can handle it. Mine included. With that, people be getting cah-razy on my Facebook wall today. I wish I felt like sharing it here, but I shall keep that gem of delicious arrogance, bigotry, and intolerance to myself and the lovely folks on my friends list.

Regardless, this issue has taken up a lot of my thought-time today, and I'm turning to far more enjoyable things this evening, including a FREE MEAL!!  Not free as in $, but free as in I can choose what I eat and include carbs and stuff. Oh I cannot wait. Actually, I've been waiting for several days, so I'm ready. I see carbs, butter, and deliciousness in my future. I get two free meals per week, and while they shouldn't be "Girls Gone Wild" crazy, I still eat like I normally would pre-RFL.  But before I tell you what I'm having, I wanted to update you on my progress thus far.

Tomorrow will be Day 8 of RFL, which makes today the official end of my first week. Yay, me! Like I've said before, I lost about 5 lbs in the two weeks previous to starting, so I don't assume this is mostly water weight. I believe it is fat and water. Today I saw a friend I haven't seen in a few weeks, and she made the comment, "Where are you!?" Meaning, where had my belly gone! While I'm not seeing a ton of difference when in my skivvies, it made me happy to know that someone was able to notice. Thanks for the fantastic day (and compliment), Lora!  So, on to my stats...

Day 7, RFL (week 1 of 12)

 Cat 3, 113g protein/day
Height, 5'9"
Weight (this morning): 221.8 (-7.4 total) 

 So that is my grand number, 7.4 total pounds lost in one week. While I don't expect to maintain this rate, it would be ever so lovely if I did! I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but this is supposed to be a 12 week program for me.  Okay, so onto the food porn...

Dessert first!

These divine bites of heaven are called Carmelitas and were a Pinterest recipe that I found a few months ago, and I've made them before. Taken directly from the blog Lulu the Baker, these are so, so, so good. Butter, brown sugar, caramel, chocolate, oats. Soft, creamy, with a slight oatmeal cookie texture.  What is there not to love?  Mine look exactly like these. Never fails either.

Dinnah-time!

Mmmm, baked spaghetti. This can either go very right or very wrong, and most baked spaghetti is dry and gross. This recipe includes cream cheese (or in this case, Neufchatel) and two jars of sauce, so I'm banking on it being on the saucy side.  Photo and recipe are from the blog Life as a Lofthouse. I'm subbing arribiata in my recipe, because I like it spaghetti spicy.  I haven't even browned the beef, and I feel like I can smell it baking. EDITED: Use at least 1 3/4 jars of sauce (I highly recommend the arribiata), and if you like it spicy, add 1 tsp red pepper flakes (and get that metabolism revved with spice!) This. Stuff. Is. Amazing.

Okay, so I'm as passionate about my free meal as I am making new meals that fit into the diet plan, no doubt there. But I want to share a variety of things I'm doing so that in the case anyone else feels inspired to try this diet, they will not feel deprived. You can have these things, just in moderation, which is usually a good rule anyway. 

Alright folks, have a good one, and to all my LGBT friends out there, keep your chin up. I love and value you, and there will be a day when all people have the same value in the eyes of government.

The BBQ that saved my diet.

Time for a recipe, ya'll!

I'm from the south, and spent several years living in SC. Growing up in Sumter, there was this delicious, but scary (think lips and buttholes), hash that we used to get from a local bbq place. Ward's Bar-B-Q was the source of this heavenly deliciousness.  We ate it over rice, and I devoured it by the pint as a kid on many Friday nights. I love all kinds of bbq, but the flavor on this was unique, and always my favorite. I've found similar recipes in the past and have used pork loin, and it has been good. Now that I'm doing this low/no carb thing, I'm at it again. It is vinegary, and tomato-y, and my version is spicy. I love spicy. The tomatoes lend a few carbs to the recipe, but they are vegetable carbs, so I am allowed to have them using Rapid Fat Loss (RFL).  Plus, they are still pretty low.  This recipe is a great sauce just to have on hand and I plan to marinate some chicken and grill it.

We get a cow slaughtered every year or so, so for this recipe I'm using the cheap, tough stew meat that came with the yield. It's tough. And takes a LONG time to cook. Excellent! Perfect for bbq! And it's made in a crock pot. Cheap, easy. That's how I like my recipes. And I want to hear NO arguments about not using pork for Carolina BBQ. This beef is cheaper and has lots of protein; I'm not going for authenticity, I'm going for nutrition and flavor.

Of course, no bbq is complete without slaw. My mom makes a delicious spicy, sweet slaw with cayenne and honey. Honey isn't on my menu, and neither is mayo, so I made up something a little different. It has a base of greek yogurt and mustard, along with some vinegar and spices. Oh it's sooooo good.  Again, you get a few carbs from the cabbage, but it's still a veggie carb and still unlimited.

So here it is. I hope someone out there tries it and let's me know what they think! This recipe isn't served on a bun, although it certainly could be, but just in a big, heaping, yummy pile on a plate. I've also included nutrition info, but only for the elements that interest me. If you need further info, please ask. Enjoy!

Slow Cooker Spicy Carolina Style Beef BBQ

(Low Carb, Sugar Free, Low Fat)

5 lbs stew beef, cut into 1-2" chunks

BBQ Sauce, (yields 14 1/8 cup servings)

Crushed Tomatoes, 1 1/2 cups
Cider Vinegar, 1 1/4 cup
Worcestershire Sauce, 1/4 cup
Soy Sauce, 1/4 cup
Spicy Brown Mustard, 3 tbsp
Chili powder, 1.5 tbsp
Ginger Root, 3 tsp
Garlic, 5 cloves
Splenda Brown Sugar Blend, 3 tsp 

Blend all together in a sauce pan and set on medium heat for 10-15 mins. Salt as desired. Set aside. Stores for 2 weeks in the fridge.

Spicy Fat Free Sugar Free Coleslaw, (yields 8 1/4 cup servings)

Cabbage, fresh, 1 head, small (about 4-1/2" dia), shredded
Cider Vinegar, 1 tbsp
Splenda No Calorie Sweetener, 2 tsp
Cayenne pepper, 1 tsp
Onion powder, .5 tsp
Yellow Mustard, 1/8 cup
Fage Greek Yogurt 0%, 1/4 cup 

Mix all ingredients together until well blended. Salt as desired. Refrigerate. Keep for up to 7 days in the fridge.

*During first couple of hours of cooking the beef, make the bbq sauce and coleslaw and set aside and/or refrigerate. 

Place stew meat in the crockpot for 2 hours on high. After two hours, drain all liquid in the pot. (Just getting rid of fluid, fat, and collagen breaking down.) Cook 2 more hours on high, and drain again.  Mix in 1 cup bbq sauce and mix well. Turn crockpot to warm setting and cook for 6-8 hours, then drain slightly. Crush or mash beef until desired consistency, and mix in another 1.5 cups bbq sauce, and cook 2 hours on low.  (You will have extra bbq sauce to top beef later with.) Taste it and see if you want or need salt or pepper according to your taste. Your bbq is now ready to eat. Top with a little extra bbq sauce (about 2 tsp) and coleslaw, and serve with a dill pickle!

Nutrition Info for one 1/2 cup serving of bbq beef:

139 calories

4 grams (total) fat

6.1 carbohydrates 

.8 g fiber

3 g sugar

19 grams protein

Nutrition Info for 1/4 cup serving of coleslaw: 

30 calories

0 g fat

6 g carbohydrate

2.2 g fiber

.7 g sugar

2.2 g protein

Getting my "me" back.

What is going on right now?? 

At this exact moment, I'm listening to 90's Hits on channel 806 on Directv. Walking In Memphis, by Marc Cohn is playing.  Useless info.

Last fall I started at 243 lbs, and began doing WW again, and lost about 10 lbs. I have always done it online, because I can't take the thought of meetings, or the time away from my family since hubby works far from home. I somehow miraculously kept that off, so when I decided 3 weeks ago that I was going to be anorexic (HA!), I started from 234 lbs.  I actually did pretty well for 2 weeks only eating about 300 calories a day, and lost 5 lbs the first week alone. The second week I started doing 45 mins of cardio a day and started gaining weight. Back up to 229. Um. WTF? No. Time for a new solution.

Instead, I decided to do a little research on nutrition, and WHY I was gaining weight on a "very low calorie diet" (VLCD) combined with exercise. That is when I stumbled up on an article on by Lyle McDonald on his website, BodyRecomposition.com. It's titled Why Big Caloric Deficits and Lots of Activity Can Hurt Fat Loss. All I can really say is that is was eye opening, at the very least. I got interested in this man, his long, LONG posts, and the science behind his work. I was intrigued, and convinced, and HOOKED! After reading post after post after post, I realized that while being a body builder, he has no hate for the fatties, and has a program for almost everyone at every level of weight and fitness. It was obvious that the program I needed was his Rapid Fat Loss Handbook program. People have some amazing results. And that is what I need: Amazing Results. And for $39, I'm in. I started this on 5/3/12. Only 4 days ago! Just wait until I tell you how much weight I've already lost.

In short, Rapid Fat Loss (RFL) is a crash diet. Ohhhhhh, the bogeyman of diet words. Whatever, I don't care, give it to me. It's a hardcore diet boot camp, not for the faint of heart, and meant to make your body drop fat and water at lightening speed. It's meant to be a short term diet (anywhere from 2-12 weeks according to your needs and weight/fitness level) that will hopefully lead to a total change in eating habits. When I've lost the weight, I will move into a few different maintenance levels that will require continued discipline.  It's low/no carb, no sugar, no fruits, and low fat. It consists of lean meats, unlimited veggies (except for starchy ones), and 2 free meals per week. There are some other strict parameters built in as far as what condiments you can/can't use, what supplements to take, and you use his calculator to figure out your protein needs per day. Strangely enough, on this plan you can ONLY work out 2-3x per week, doing low intensity cardio for up to 30-45 mins, and you need to stick to his strict weight training program that he has created not only for people who go to the gym, but also for people would rather do it at home. Why so "little" exercise? Well, refer to this article for the science behind why:  Why Big Caloric Deficits and Lots of Activity Can Hurt Fat Loss.

I'm not giving you the details. I paid for it, and you can too. If you are interested, I encourage you to read his website, where he gives lots of details, and even a money-back guarantee! Wowza! He has an extensive list of FREE articles on his FREE website that give you the down and dirty on the science of fat loss.  He is amazing. Much respect for this guy! He's not a warm fuzzy kind of guy; really he's more of a tough love, no bullshit, don't-keep-asking-me-stupid-questions-that-you-can-search-the-answers-for kind of guy. I can dig that.

So what am *I* doing then? Details please...

Here is what I do daily, and it is based on MY height/weight/etc. Please don't assume this is what you would need. I am what is considered a Category 3:

• Protein Intake: 119 grams spread into 4-5 meals, trying to equally distribute my protein...EDIT: Just redid the diet calculator and after my weight loss over the past few days, I'm down to 113 grams of protein/day.
• Carbs limited to roughly 5 grams/meal (there is a little give, especially with the carbs coming from unlimited veggies)
• Fats don't have a limit, and they should stay low, but I intake about 20 grams/day
• Calories come to an average of 800/day
• Omega 3's every day...like 10 of them! A daily multi-vitamin, and a calcium supplement
• Some days I take Liprodrene for the energy, and I consume a lot of caffeine
• Exercise 3x/week. Elliptical 30 mins, then Lyle's weight training at home program
• Obsess over every morsel that goes in my mouth
• I schedule 2 free meals per week. Last night was my first and I ate pizza, salad, and frozen yogurt at one of those stupid, trendy yogurt bars. It was delicious, but honestly, for the first time in my life I felt the ill effects of sugar. I felt like crap a little while after eating!

So, that's it. Except my stats. I hate this part:

• Height 5'9"
• As of 5/3/12, my weight was 299
• As of 5/6/12, my weight is 222.2. That is a 6.8 lb loss. In 4 days! Woohoo!
• BMI of 43.5% ewwwwwww!

Okay, that's it for now. In the coming days I will be posting a few recipes that I have been using lately including a super awesome low carb bbq sauce. Whipped it up today and OMYummmmmm!

Riding the rollercoaster. Fat, thin, fat, thin, and back to fat.

Confessions...

Over the past three six ten years I've done what many great women do, I've gotten fat. Yeah, yeah, "fat" can be a hurtful word, but that is what it is. I am choosing and owning that word for my blog. Besides, that is what I am, and really, according to whichever alphabet soup government organization sets the rules and guidelines, I'm obese. Even at my adulthood zenith of health and fitness (somewhere around the year 2000), I was still "overweight" at 170 lbs, regardless of the size 9/10 I wore on my 5'9" frame, and the 6 miles I ran every day and the half hour of weight training. I looked and felt fantastic; tall, tan, thin, with long red acrylic fingernails. Those were the Slim-Fast days. That was my diet. More accurately, Slim-Fast and Miller Light. I was in college, so...

My History

I've run the gamuts of diets since then. Low-fat, Atkins, Weight Watchers (WW from here on out), and ultimately the one that worked best, the eat-everything-in-sight diet. That's how I've gotten the lovely figure I do now.  That was a little joke, there is not a whole lot lovely about it; at least not that I can see, but that is another issue altogether. I'm a tall, large framed, and potentially athletic woman. I have bad genetics on my side, coming from a family of fatties, although both of my parents are skinny people, even into their 60's.  Those weren't the genes I got, apparently.

Over the past 12 years I've gained a husband, 2 kids, some debt, dry skin, and about 70 lbs. I was 183 when I got married in 2004, not that bad, but I was gaining. I attribute it to all the Ben and Jerry's and DQ the hubby and I ate while canoodling on the couch, fresh and in love. Then in 2005 came a kid, and an extra 10 lbs. Less than 2 years later came another kid in 2007, and another 15-20 lbs. Over the next few years I went through periods of WW, joining a gym for a while, picking up running again (I was a runner in high school) and even running a couple of 5K's and a 4-miler. I eventually dropped down to around +/-200 lbs. I felt and looked nice considering the havoc pregnancy can wreak on a body. In 2010, I went back to work for a few short weeks, lost that job, and got depressed. And what is the best way to beat depression? Gain weight, of course!  Roughly 30 lbs in ONE year. GROSS. And how?? I still don't know the answer to that one except the metabolism that disappears after 30 (I'm 32), and probably just a lot of comfort food.

Which brings me to where I am now. Fat again. Sick of myself, and sick of feeling like I don't know the girl in the mirror. No longer vibrant, sexy, or fresh. A frumpy stay at home mom that can clean up very nicely for a night out. Even so, I still bring along all that extra jiggly and I don't like it.

I think that is enough for now. Check back for my next post as to what I'm doing about this mess.