Riding the rollercoaster. Fat, thin, fat, thin, and back to fat.

Confessions...

Over the past three six ten years I've done what many great women do, I've gotten fat. Yeah, yeah, "fat" can be a hurtful word, but that is what it is. I am choosing and owning that word for my blog. Besides, that is what I am, and really, according to whichever alphabet soup government organization sets the rules and guidelines, I'm obese. Even at my adulthood zenith of health and fitness (somewhere around the year 2000), I was still "overweight" at 170 lbs, regardless of the size 9/10 I wore on my 5'9" frame, and the 6 miles I ran every day and the half hour of weight training. I looked and felt fantastic; tall, tan, thin, with long red acrylic fingernails. Those were the Slim-Fast days. That was my diet. More accurately, Slim-Fast and Miller Light. I was in college, so...

My History

I've run the gamuts of diets since then. Low-fat, Atkins, Weight Watchers (WW from here on out), and ultimately the one that worked best, the eat-everything-in-sight diet. That's how I've gotten the lovely figure I do now.  That was a little joke, there is not a whole lot lovely about it; at least not that I can see, but that is another issue altogether. I'm a tall, large framed, and potentially athletic woman. I have bad genetics on my side, coming from a family of fatties, although both of my parents are skinny people, even into their 60's.  Those weren't the genes I got, apparently.

Over the past 12 years I've gained a husband, 2 kids, some debt, dry skin, and about 70 lbs. I was 183 when I got married in 2004, not that bad, but I was gaining. I attribute it to all the Ben and Jerry's and DQ the hubby and I ate while canoodling on the couch, fresh and in love. Then in 2005 came a kid, and an extra 10 lbs. Less than 2 years later came another kid in 2007, and another 15-20 lbs. Over the next few years I went through periods of WW, joining a gym for a while, picking up running again (I was a runner in high school) and even running a couple of 5K's and a 4-miler. I eventually dropped down to around +/-200 lbs. I felt and looked nice considering the havoc pregnancy can wreak on a body. In 2010, I went back to work for a few short weeks, lost that job, and got depressed. And what is the best way to beat depression? Gain weight, of course!  Roughly 30 lbs in ONE year. GROSS. And how?? I still don't know the answer to that one except the metabolism that disappears after 30 (I'm 32), and probably just a lot of comfort food.

Which brings me to where I am now. Fat again. Sick of myself, and sick of feeling like I don't know the girl in the mirror. No longer vibrant, sexy, or fresh. A frumpy stay at home mom that can clean up very nicely for a night out. Even so, I still bring along all that extra jiggly and I don't like it.

I think that is enough for now. Check back for my next post as to what I'm doing about this mess.